The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
