I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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