my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
