"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
