I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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