i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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