Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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