I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize