If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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