the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
