But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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