Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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