I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
