My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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