did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
