I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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