pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
