Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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