The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
