he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
