Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
