Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
