Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
