I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
