That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
