Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
