I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
