is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
