Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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