Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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