need another drink. this is the easiest way
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
