I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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