I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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