I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
