We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize