Just fell off a train. Bad.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize