I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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