some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
