my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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