So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Houston, we have a squirter
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
