I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize