u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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