i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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