idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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