I like my sex mixed with concussions.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
