I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
