Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
