Cold hands, warm shart.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
organizing the empties. That sober.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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