i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize
