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yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize