You just made me feel so damn special
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
