Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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