i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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