I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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