i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
