there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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