dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Be still, my beating vagina.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize