There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
