Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
