so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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