Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize