so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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