Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
