Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
